Eaton Bray Lawn Tennis Club

Posted on December 7, 2006

A quick one this month following our revelations in last month's Focus regarding the fabulous expansion plans for our club revealed by Russian billionaire Servya Rakketov.

I haven't had much time to concentrate on my normal duties over the last few weeks due to the enormous number of planning meetings I have had to attend following our development strategy for the School Lane courts and bringing Wimbledon to Eaton Bray. Apparently there's a potential issue with School Lane not being quite wide enough for the envisaged dual carriageway. No problem however, as Servya's newly appointed American architect U. Kanbe-Zerious Jnr has slipped a few dollars to the Parish Council for a new floodlit footpath between the White Horse and the Five Bells (with refreshment points along the way) and we're assured all will be OK; limited housing demolishment will be required along School Lane (you'll get a few quid and a bit of bog-land in Kazakhstan) and the central reservation will include a fully equipped motorway service station complete with Q8 petrol, beef and salami sandwiches (half price on Wednesdays) and a Travelodge for those visitors who wish to enjoy the magnificent facilities on offer in Eaton Bray without the requirement to limit the night out to just two bottles of Smirnov and a pot of Stroganoff with sprouts.

With regard to our recent improvements, I am obliged, nay delighted to offer out thanks and appreciation to the Foundation for the Sports and the Arts who contributed magnificently to our new courts and fencing. I don't think they know about the forementioned 'enhancements' with our Eastern European colleagues, so best not to mention them if someone from that organisation happens to knock on your door one day for a chat and a cup of tea. Just say that everything is in hand and ask them to call John Prescott who took a personal interest in our planning application; I have no explanation for why two Jaguars were parked outside our Chairman's house for most of November, but who am I to ask. I just write the articles and generally get sued afterwards, but I've played tennis with Tony Blair so there. And anyone who disputes that, just read Focus back in the late 90s sometime. That was a great report; political misunderstandings, wrongly-called line faults, our chairman being arrested by the flying squad, straightjackets, all night court sittings, oh what a weekend that was. And we're still here to tell the tale, albeit mostly about prison food, and some bloke called 'Lucky Bunny' which he probably was but our chairman certainly wasn't.

The Winter League has commenced and Eaton Bray is doing fine so far- our Men's team have beaten, no thrashed, Slip End (I'm sure they'll improve once their M1 bridge has been widened) and we expect to continue our magnificent results in this year's summer league where we were presented with no less than three trophies at the awards ceremony in October at the Luton & Vauxhall club. We collectively took over two tables and left all other clubs in no doubt as to which club was the rising star in 2006! So why not come and join us for what promises to be an 'Absolutely Fabulous' 2007, commencing with a Valentine's Dance at the village hall on Saturday 10th February, starring the 'Best UK Live band in 2006 (Eaton Bray South of High Street section) Jim Balls and his Racquets (don't ask…) who served us well last year. Served us… get it? Oh never mind, just join us on the night!!

Finally, congratulations to club coach Nick Boys and his wife Karen who have recently become the proud parents of Daisy Elizabeth. Mother and daughter are doing well; husband is running around like a headless chicken. Mind you, don't all us new fathers do the same?!

For any further information about the club, including when we get together for our social tennis sessions up at the School Lane courts, or our various activities, please contact either Chairman Ross Bagni, Coach Nick 'where've I put that baby?' Boys, or if they're all out and I'm not at a planning meeting, me, Andy Cross.

Source: Focus, December/January 2007